Friday 21 November 2008

Ignorance is Bliss

So there I was, I’d just finished my bowl of Sainsbury’s Chocolate Hooplas (I can’t afford Weetos) and perused almost every internet site that I tend to check on a daily basis – Facebook, BBC Football, Myspace, Portalplus, etc, etc – when I decided to check the news, which should really be my first port of call, but I don’t want to see the atrocities of the world while I’m eating a bowl of chocolate do I?


When I got on the site there didn’t seem to be much news I could be bothered to read, but then, with my peripherines visuals (nothing like a good ol’ Boosh reference to perk the mood up) I saw Ozzie Osbourne’s scary grin beside a tagline about the Brummie accent. For my Sociolinguistics module at uni I entitled my summative assessment ‘Regional Variation – Social Attitudes towards the Birmingham Accent’, so having written over 3000 words on the subject, this article was bound to rouse my interest. Although, thinking about it, it would have been really nice to have had this information when I was actually writing my Sociolinguistics work.


Some of you may know that I have a slight Brummie accent. This was not always the case though. I was born in Essex and lived there until I was seven, hence the reason I support West Ham and not the other claret and blue of the Villa. Because I had a chirpy little Essex accent before the Brummie one got a hold of me like Venom did Spiderman I have become fascinated with how a difference in someone's speech can really say so much about them.


The story (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7329768.stm) is about a study carried out by scientists at Bath Spa University which involved 48 volunteers comparing accents.


To sum up what I took from the story here is a snippet from it:


‘The study, which matched accents with perceived intelligence, found speaking in a Birmingham accent gives a worse impression than saying nothing at all.’


The cheek! To me this says, ‘If you have a Brummie accent, please don’t talk, we’d rather you said nothing at all.’ It gives a whole new meaning to ‘Ignorance is bliss’ doesn’t it.


Now, you may agree wholeheartedly with what the study found about the Birmingham accent, for all I know you may have even volunteered for it, part of me agrees with it too, but as bad as the Birmingham accent is, and there is no escaping the fact that it is bad, how does it say anything about someone’s intelligence?


I don’t think anyone believes that people in Birmingham are any less intelligent than the rest of the country, they just sound it. But how? Why? Is it the rising intonation? The nasal pronunciation? I really don’t know. I have my ideas. One of which includes the common confusion between the Black Country accent and the Brummie accent. But this doesn’t really explain much at all.


That is why I have written this blog. Maybe you can help me. What do you think makes Brummies sound unintelligent? Don’t feel you have to pull any punches by the way. I’m not easily offended, especially over something that I’m not too happy about having thrust upon me.

Cheers.

Joell

Thursday 20 November 2008

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Final Eve

So here we are. The eve of the 2008 European Championships cup final. Germany vs. Spain. Which, surprisingly, is not the most mouth watering fixture in my eyes. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they are two class teams, but Germany have played some very poor football, and Spain’s game against Italy was awful. The final could end up being similar to Chelsea and Man U’s FA Cup final the season before last, with two teams more scared of losing than desperate to win. That would be a tragedy.

I’m remaining optimistic and expecting to see a great game. The tournament has got better and better as it has progressed (although that Spain vs. Italy quarter final was an anomaly) and I don’t see the final letting us down. Spain’s attack has the potential to slice through Germany’s shocking defence with ease, but Germany’s counter and determination should make sure they don’t go down easily.

If Spain start Fabregas and stop Germany pressing that Podolski-Schweinsteiger quick-goal button they should have the advantage. They play the much more attractive football, and definitely deserve it more, given that Germany scraped out of a not-too-difficult group and then not so easily past the poor old Turks (never thought I’d say that).

That said, Germany are that team aren’t they. You know the team that just manage to win everything, even if they don’t look like they can or deserve to. That is why YOU SHOULD NEVER WRITE OFF THE GERMANS.

Greece won the tournament last time under exactly the same circumstances, although when applying the lovely technique of juxtaposition, Germany’s defence looks like a bunch of pigeons getting in each others way as they squabble over a dropped chip, and Greece’s, funnily enough, looks like the Spartans from 300 with Dellas screaming ‘This is Sparta!’.

I will stick by my Germans. They have brought me this far, further than England have ever brought me in a tournament might I add. So thank you Germany. Thank you for showing me what it might be like to progress to the final of a tournament. Even if you fall at the last hurdle, I will still love you...I’ll just hate Spain.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 17

Portugal 2-3 Germany
Croatia 1-1 Turkey (aet) (1-3 pens)
Netherlands 1-3 Russia (aet)

Three games there, all with one thing in common – entertainment. Each game has entertained those lucky enough to watch them and each in their own way.

Germany’s defeat of Portugal was entertaining because of the fluid football played by the Germans and sometimes Portugal, as well as the very tense ending set up by Helder Postiga’s habitual late goal.

Croatia cut Turkey open on many occasions throughout their quarter final, but failed to come up with that killer touch until Klasnic’s weak header went in very late in extra time, only to have Semih to hammer in an equaliser at the other end with the last kick of the game. Then the devastated Croats made English penalty takers look good by scoring just one of their four attempts.

Holland were bound to go out with a whimper having set the tournament alight beforehand. It was all too typical of them; the perennial underachievers. Although they managed to do that with a fight due to Ruud van Nistelrooy’s equaliser five minutes from the ninety barrier. But Russia knuckled down and came out with a victory that they more than deserved. Who could have predicted that result after the first round of group games?

These three quarter finals were all set to make this tournament the best European Championship in recent times (I say ‘in recent times’ as opposed to ‘ever’ because I, shamefully, don’t know enough about the history of the tournament to say this is the best of all time). However, last night the Italians and, to a lesser extent, the Spanish tried their utmost to bring the quality of this tournament crashing down to earth like the helicopter in Cloverfield (I watched that the other day so it’s the best simile I can come up with, sorry if it’s a spoiler). It’s strange to say that the two teams who played last night actually tried to do anything at all. I’ve never watched such a boring game in my life, and I’ve been down to Villa Park a couple of times (pre-O’Neill I hasten to add).

But, as bad as that game was, it would take something much direr to ruin this tournament. It has, so far, been pretty fantastic, and both semi-finals could be just as magnificent as the three quarters named at the top. Germany have the class and the drive to go all the way, but Turkey are easily comparable to that woman in the second Austin Powers who just won’t die. Russia could slice Spain’s defence to pieces; I am still adamant it is shaky, if Italy had have had a tiny bit of ambition and gone forward once in a while last night I think they could have really exposed the Spaniards. But Spain have Torres and Villa, both of whom could benefit from better service if ol’ Cescy is given a well earned start.

Either way the semis are going to be good. I just hate this intermission between the stages. Roll on Wednesday.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 14

Is it wrong to hope for the worst and expect the best? That is what I did yesterday. I sat watching the quarter final hoping that Portugal would win, knocking Germany out and putting me out of my misery, but expecting that I wouldn’t get what I wanted and Germany would prevail.

A German defeat would have pleased me for two reasons; because I would have been right about the Euros for once and I could have genuinely watched the Euros without having any hope of one particular team winning. However, a German victory actually pleased me more for numerous reasons; Germany won, Portugal lost, Ronaldo bottled it and looked like crying, now I don’t have to put up with the horribly hyperbolic hype surrounding him, Ricardo was shit, now the Germans won’t think about playing Gomez, etc.

So I sat there with conflicting emotions, being scared that if I actually willed Germany on to win then they would succumb to a Portuguese come back that we English know all too well about. I am sure I’m not the only person who watches football on the telly and feels that they are in some way in control of what is taking place, no matter how far away those events may be unfolding – part of me still believes Steven Gerrard scored that last minute equaliser in the 2006 FA Cup Final just because I went to the toilet. Oh the pain. But if you think that is crazy talk then tell me this; why do you shout at the telly when that pass goes astray? They can’t hear you...Or can they?

But all the excitement of last night made me realise something. There is no way I am going to get away with watching any of the games left to be played in Euro 2008 without hoping that one particular team wins. Of course who I want to win can change during the course of the game, for example, when the Czechs were 1-0 up against the Turks I was very happy about where the game was going, then Plasil doubled their lead somewhat unfairly, given that the gaping hole in the Turkish defence was left by a player going off injured and not being allowed to return to the pitch until after the goal was scored. With that I thought the only way for things to be right with the world was if Turkey pegged the game back to 2-2. I would have then been happy if they lost in extra time or on penalties, but the manner in which they came back, and the sheer quality of Nihat’s eventual winner made me sure the right team were winning. BUT THEN the Turkey keeper pushed Jan Koller in an act of pure idiocy and my favour swayed back to the Czechs. Turkey held on and I was left a bit disappointed, but they (apart from the keeper) did deserve it.

If Germany had been knocked out last night I wouldn’t have just stopped supporting anyone in the tournament, despite what I said about not supporting anyone in the last blog. When England crash out of every major tournament we get to you don’t just write it off do you, you pick another team to follow and hope they can do what England can NEVER do. If Germany had have gone out I would have supported Croatia, because of my mate Slaven, meaning that if the Croats do the business tonight, the Germany vs. Croatia semi-final will be a strange game for me to watch.

We will always have our favourites.
Mine are as follows:

1. Germany – because Michael Ballack is the best player in the world, it’s just that nobody knows it, not even him.
2. Croatia – because Slaven Bilic is the best manager in the world
3. Holland – because are the defining factor of this tournament
4. Russia – because they are pretty average but play some lovely football
5. Spain – because they should do so much better
6. Turkey – because I still hate Rustu
7. Italy – because they’ve won enough to last a lifetime

So don’t be too surprised to see Italy beat Turkey in the final.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 13

Every team you back is cursed

That is a text message I received last night, and, for a Man United fan, the sender was surprisingly spot on.

Has anyone else noticed how every prediction I have made or hope I have held throughout the Euros has, so far, crashed and burned?

I want Germany to win and they turn out to be rubbish, I want Russia to beat Spain and they get thumped, I want Romania to go through and Italy squeeze past them. I want, I want, I want.

Now the wanting is over. I don’t want anything else from this tournament. I would say that I just want to watch good football, but if I did that would probably dry up. So I am now a complete and utter spectator, forsaking any emotional involvement. Germany can get trashed by ‘Ronaldo’s Portugal’ tonight for all I care.

What is that anyway – ‘Ronaldo’s Portugal’? Do ITV forget that there are 22 other players in the squad as well as one of the best coaches in the world telling them what to do? And if they are doing it to relate it back to the Prem like I said in the first blog, why do they conveniently forget about Carvalho, Ferreira, Bosingwa and Nani, and of course Scolari. It’s like Diana Ross and the Supremes.

My patience with ITV is noticeably wearing thin. Their choice of pundits is shocking. Why have Alan Curbishly? The man is boring, just like any team he manages.

Tonight then we have the first quarter final of the tournament with staccato Germany taking on the one man band. Portugal will surely win, because I wanted Germany to. It should still be a good match though, with the quality of the games on the increase as more and more is up for grabs.

May the best team win.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 12 (Just found out)

I could not believe my eyes last night. How on earth did Italy beat France? Good ol’ France who always put up a fight, no matter how badly the odds are stacked against them.

No seriously though, it was bound to happen wasn’t it. Zidane-less France just don’t look the same without that touch of class he graced them with, scoring only one goal in the tournament. Makelele’s and Thuram’s prompt retirement announcements were as inevitable as their age being chalked up as the main reason for France’s departure. But, with the youthful class of Karim Benzema and Samir Nasri in the team, the French are clutching at straws if they hope to get away with blaming their awful showing on age alone. You could say that they had it tough in the group of death, but Romania have come out of it with their heads held high, and probably feeling a bit gutted they didn’t get through after Mutu’s penalty miss.

I would have loved Romania to have gone through. Although they are essentially an ‘ugly’ team, in so far as that they don’t have many aspirations of playing Total Football, they play simple tidy football and work hard as a team. If you could have combined Romania’s work rate and France’s potential…well, then you would have the hardest working losers in the tournament. Work rate only gets you so far, you need to be a tightly knit team to win the Euros, e.g. Greece 2004, France 2000, Germany 1996, etc. So this beggars the question ‘Who is a tightly knit team that work hard and have the class to win?’

There are two potentials in my eyes at the moment; Holland and The Netherlands. So good they named them twice.

Van Basten’s team have to win. Spain’s defence is too shaky, Portugal rely too heavily on one man (ITV’s favourite footballer EVER), Germany can barely string a pass together, the Dutch whooped Italy and could probably do it again and again and Sweden/Russia just don’t have what it takes. Now you may notice a team missing from that quick guide to those remaining. I have a huge affection for Croatia, simply because they have the most honest and forthright manager in the world. Slaven Bilic never stood for any shit when he played for the Mighty Irons, and has taken those beliefs into managerial life. He tells things how they are, a fact demonstrated by how he said that England are rubbish when Croatia and Russia saved us from the embarrassment of crashing out of the Euros, simply by preventing us from going there.

Croatia are the only other team I would like to win the Euros other than Holland. If anyone else does it will be a grave injustice. Of course part of me will smile if Germany win because I chose to back them, but I will be annoyed that a team who played such crap football in the group stages could still win the most prestigious tournament outside of the World Cup and Champions League.

Tonight we have Sweden and Russia battling it out for the second spot in group D, and therefore a quarter final against the Clockwork Orange. The decider is a tough one to call I think, but I’m going to go for Sweden, just because our (West Ham’s) only player at the tournament is their leader, and he wears pants. I like Sweden as well. When have you ever heard anyone say ‘F***ing Swedes, bunch of c**ts’? Never. Even if you have it was probably some Scandinavian rivalry. You didn’t see Sweden bring the world a phone call away from all out nuclear war either did you?

So do the right thing tonight, support Sweden.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Can't think what day it is

I went to Wales with my sister, brother-in-law and niece last Friday and only got back yesterday, hence the gap between this blog and the previous one. You would think that the Euros would not be on the agenda when stopping in a caravan by the seaside, however, with Bridgend just a stones throw away, it was essential we stopped the devil from making work for our youthful, idol hands. So the Euros provided us with background entertainment while we consumed alcohol and Jessica dreamt of chocolate Petit Filous.

I wrote the last blog having just watched the team I’m supporting put in one of the worst performances by any nation in the tournament. But this one is written having seen them scrape past Austria thanks to a superb Ballack free kick. While I now have huge doubts about Germany’s ability to win the tournament, I stand by the statement I made in the first of these blogs and repeated in another; you can never write off the Germans. So I won’t, even though they don’t stand a chance against Portugal unless they can tap into their own huge potential.

‘That Turkey-Czech game’, that’s bound to be how it is referred to in the future, so I won’t waste any time. What a game. I was having some feelings of disappointment creeping into my gulliver until that game followed the dramatic results of Spain 2-1 Sweden and Holland 4-1 France. These three nights of magical football left me with no doubts about the quality of Euro 2008 as a tournament. I’ve never been a fan of the Turkish team, they seem to have an air of arrogance surrounding them that is completely unfounded, but they definitely deserved that result, especially having had their previous deficit increased with a little help from the fourth official. Why are the refs taking ages to let players back on the pitch? If Turkey hadn’t won that game there would have been a huge uproar about it.

Tonight it’s the French and the Italians doing battle (2nd and 3rd in the Euro 2008 Disappointment Table respectively). The two are out to get the 2nd spot in group C behind the awesome force of the Dutch who take on a well organised but overly conservative Romania. How will the Netherlands manage to deploy their amazing counter attack against a team that gets a nose bleed when they get a corner? Only time will tell.

Tonight should be a very interesting night, it’s nice to think that the football is this exciting and we aren’t even in the knockout phase yet. I love the Euros.

Oh yeah, and the infamy of the 1st place in the Euro 2008 Disappointment Table has to go to…(drum role)…Mario Gomez. Who I called a ‘f***ing retard’ in a rare instance of non-PC verbal diarrhoea when he missed that miss.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 6

Well, I said that Spain would lose didn’t I, and they, erm, didn’t. I said that Germany are winners and today they weren’t. So it’s more than fair to say that I haven’t got a clue what I’m barking on about.

However, I say this to you, O my brothers, it is still early days. The Germans are down but not at all out. They were awful today. But they only have to beat Austria and hope that Poland drop points in one of their last two games; either tonight or next week. But the Germans beat the Poles, so if they do beat Austria and Croatia and both teams end up level on goal difference; the Germans go through. We all know Germany are full of character, and as I said before: you can never write them off.

When it comes to Spain I have a little more trouble to dig myself out of the quagmire, because they oozed class in their victory over the supposedly well organised Russians. The midfield looked very neat and the frontline of Torres and Villa have a partnership unlike any other in the competition, demonstrated by the way that Villa searched out his strike partner, ignoring the rest of the entire squad, to celebrate his hat-trick. But, and I was bound to introduce a but in the hope of saving my skin, the Spanish defence did look very shaky, and that was against the single forward that Russia put against them. So how will they do when they have to deal with Henrik Larsson and Zlatan Ibrahimovic?

What is going on with the referees at the Euros anyway? They persistently wave play on when there is a cynical foul but then blow up for silly little challenges that just slow down the game. They must have had a long briefing about diving, but refuse to book anyone for it. They seem to have a peculiar dislike for any roughness in the area too. Very strange indeed. Oh well. Not to worry.

Must go cheer on Austria and Poland now, a draw would be nice.

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog - Day 4

Holland 3-0 Italy. Well I have to say, I did not see that one coming. Okay so Italy suffered the loss of their captain and defensive pit-bull/brick wall Fabio Cannavaro, but leading up to the game last night the Dutch have suffered injuries as well. Although their only full blown casualty was Ryan Babel, if he was to capture the good form he showed when at home playing for Ajax, Liverpool fans probably wouldn’t recognise him. Add to that the fact that the two Dutch sick notes Van Persie and Robben were struggling too and you can see that the result is not just a reflection of players’ absence. But would the Dutch have produced such counter-attacks had Cannavaro been leading the Azure? I’m not so sure. But, you can’t take it away from Holland; the second goal was especially good.

Some might say that this blows my prediction of a Germany vs. Italy final out of the water, but we all know that Italy have character, they won the World Cup in the midst of a hugely controversial referee bung scandal, so I expect them to recover from the drubbing they received last night, plus they didn’t actually play that bad. They lacked the killer touch in front of goal, but had two cleared off the line, which were then promptly converted into goals for the opposing team. They were punished for trying to win, more than you can say for France.

Oh dear dear dear. Francey Francey Francey. What was that? I mean, what on earth was that? Any game that makes Alan Hanson want to quit has got to be dire with the money he is on. It was awful, and there was me getting worried that I might miss the most magical moment of the Euros so far as I sat at the table and ate my spag bol with my sister and niece. This does however set up the Italy vs. France game as one to look forward to. Both teams will now be under immense pressure from their own countrymen, as well as the rest of the footballing world, to go out there and prove they are worthy of being one of the favourites for this little tourney. They will have to attack. So it could be 9/7 (the date of the World Cup 2006 Final) times 2356. ("My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!"... "Nobody does!")

Today at 5pm on this gloriously sunny day we shall see Russia (a.k.a. The-Team-That-We-Didn’t-Expect-to-be-But-Definitely-Are-Much-Better-Than-England) take on Spain (another team better than England). Spain have taken a lot of people’s fancy as the eventual winners of this tournament, but they’re bigger underachievers than we are. Even though they qualified, if they don’t get to the final, they're bigger underachievers than us. With their squad, which I have attached below to highlight my point (courtesy of the good ol’ BBC), they should get to the final of everything. E-VE-RY-THING! They even left out Raul. That’s right, Raul. You know that King of Madrid geezer.

So, Spain should win. But they won’t, because they aren’t winners. Just as we aren’t. Germany are. And Germany will be. I am adamant. I think Russia actually stand a better chance of winning than Spain. They’re very well organised and have no egos to get over. I think Russia will win tonight.

Now, I realise that I am setting myself up for a huge egg splat on my like litso, but I am confident that it will not happen, and if it does, my good friend Lukas Podolski will wipe it off, as he will the smiles on the Spaniards faces.

Good luck Spain, you really shouldn’t need it, but you generally do.


The Spain Squad

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid), Pepe Reina (Liverpool), Andres Palop (Sevilla)

Defenders: Raul Albiol (Valencia), Carlos Marchena (Valencia), Joan Capdevila (Villarreal), Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid), Juanito Gutierrez (Real Betis), Fernando Navarro (Mallorca), Carles Puyol (Barcelona), Alvaro Arbeloa (Liverpool)

Midfielders: Xavi Hernandez (FC Barcelona), Andres Iniesta (Barcelona), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), David Silva (Valencia), Xabi Alonso (Liverpool), Ruben De La Red (Getafe), Marcos Senna (Villarreal), Santi Cazorla (Villarreal)

Forwards: Fernando Torres (Liverpool), David Villa (Valencia), Daniel Guiza (Mallorca), Sergio Garcia (Zaragoza)

Euro 2008 - An Armchair Blog

So, it’s underway. Euro 2008 is two days in and so far we haven’t really seen the exhilarating football everyone expected, but it’s still early days and there have been glimpses. Tonight is the first game in which there is no firm favourite - Holland vs. Italy - so maybe there will be a goal by both participants for the first time in the tournament.

I’ve decided to write a blog on the Euros, giving me a chance to vent my anger at the many stupid things that everyone is bound to encounter throughout the next few weeks. I’ve decided to do it partly because I’ve got naff all else to do, but also to fill the void left by our non-appearance.

You know what really grinds my gears? How ITV seem to work for Ronaldo. Christiano Ronaldo is undoubtedly class, it should go without saying, but he isn’t god…is he? He’s just a player that is amazingly skilled. So why do the idiots at ITV take it upon themselves to laud his every move. But this is just one example of ITV, and the BBC as well, going out of their way to relate the Euros back to England, which for me just rubs our absence in even more. Any player in any country’s line up who has a tiny link to England is spoken about more than anyone else. Take the Portugal vs. Turkey game, when they weren’t talking about Ronaldo, which left a tiny window of opportunity, they were banging on about Emre, Carvalho, Ferreira, Bosingwa and Kazim-Richards, who I thought was the man of the match with an individual performance far better than that of anyone on the winning team, if only his mates could have mucked in a bit more. I was really looking forward to watching this tournament because we’re not there, so I wish the rubbish commentators would get over how we're not there and get on with it. Talking of commentators, did anyone else catch the horrible irony behind Steve McClaren being the pundit for the Croatia game on the radio? Classic.

I’m supporting the Germans at the tournament. A decision that some idiots question with: “GERMANY?! You can’t support them!” as if they don’t realise the war is over and Adolf is dead-dead-deadski. You can never write off the Germans. When England beat them 5-1 in World Cup qualifying they went on to the final of that tournament, only to be beaten by the rejuvenated Ronaldo and co. and they were said to have one of their weakest ever teams then. The Euros is a different story though. I almost shit myself yesterday when I found out they didn’t win a single game in the two previous tournaments, especially after bigging them up to anyone who will listen to me. But, I now sit here full of optimism again after seeing Podolski score a brace and Klose set both goals up (and yes, that second one was a pass, a very clever dummy-miskicked-shot-pass). Plus, I managed to prove they’ll win it through the magic of Pro Evo, and if I am right, the Germany vs. Italy final will be the most spectacular final ever, but poor Portugal, 5-1, tut tut tut.

Now all I need to do is sit down and figure out how I’ll manage to watch all the games, no mean feat when you have a girlfriend who hates football. Wish me luck.

Bridging the Gap

Following on from publishing my Statement of Intent on Facebook (thank you to those who read it and a double thank you to those who commented) I have made the move over to Blogger. This was an idea kindly given to me by my housemate Gary, the most internet and computer savvy person I know. He suggested that I do this as a way of making my portfolio look a bit more professional, similar to how he has done with his website (boutrosboutrosgary.com – an interesting look for anyone with a remote interest in computer games, i.e. EVERYONE).

His point was a good one; he said that I can’t seriously advertise my blogs on a website like Facebook where there are pictures of me with one eyebrow, fake blood on my head and a ‘fake’ hand in my mouth (see below).

Although I will carry on posting my blogs on Facebook, this will be my main blogging source. I might get all sneaky with it like bands and put bonus content on here just to make people look, but 1. I don’t think I can be bothered, and 2. I don’t think other people will be that bothered. We’ll see.

I have posted my original Statement of Intent because I think it is the best place to start a fresh. Now I am going to post all my old blogs, like my Euro 2008 ones and other random shizzle, which might just make me look like an idiot because of the terrible power that is hindsight, but hey-ho, needs must and all that.

So, the entire purpose of this very short blog is to just bridge the gap between my Statement of Intent and the distant past of my old blogs, hence the title.

Statement of Intent

Last week I had a careers meeting. In this meeting I was informed (by a very nice and very helpful careers officer) about the steps I need to take in order to get into journalism.

I have had a strange relationship with journalism since I was at school. Throughout primary school I was stuffed with feelings of jealousy and shame when other lads took it upon themselves to make their own football magazine. Then when I went to big school I twice got lumbered with doing the newspaper during a week of activities we had each year – other people did ‘Circus Skills’ or went on trips, but no, not me, I did the paper.

It was depressing…at first.

When I got going I found it quite exciting; putting together stories and all that malarkey. From then on I liked English a lot more and did quite well in it at school, going on to scrape through sixth form to get to university where I now do English Language with Journalism.

However, when I got to Huddersfield and started studying journalism, looking into the media in more depth than I ever have had to before, I hated it. I was struck by feelings that this country’s media is a severely broken system which needs a nice wrecking ball to crash straight through it, so that people (hopefully like and including myself) can rebuild it brick by brick, making it harder, better, faster, stronger.

But I slowly realised that the media is a horrible weed, and like a weed it would grow back just as bad as it was before if anyone tried to pluck it out of its position. So, where does this leave me?

Well it leaves me here, now, writing this little blog that I have entitled ‘Statement of Intent’. I have given it that melodramatic heading to try and lull myself (and maybe yourself) into the belief that this is the start of something new.

This is supposed to behave like a speech act; a piece of language with enough force to change the world somehow. Although whether or not it does that will have to be left to me and the clocks, because we both have a lot of work to do between now and the time in which I achieve my goal.

‘What is your goal Joell?’ I hear you say without replying ‘You’re a poet and you didn’t know it’. Well, my dear friend(s). I have reconciled myself with the media of this nation; I have done so by convincing this brain of mine that the only way to bring about change is from within. That’s how the Trojans did it, and that is how I will do it, although I have to stress that I have no plans to rape and pillage my way through the media in a fashion similar to the sacking of Athens.

This is the day I start. I am going to build up a portfolio to be used as an advert of my journalistic abilities, or lack thereof. In this fair day and age where the internet provides us all with the ability to be journalistettes I plan to utilise this most obvious and accessible resource as my primary stomping ground.

I aim to write one blog per week, an aim that will be hampered by coursework deadlines and maybe even a social life which could be resuscitated when I get some bloody money (not to be mistaken with ‘blood money’, I definitely don’t want any of that).

I hope that you can help me achieve my goal, even if it just by reading the blogs and giving a thumbs up or thumbs down – more in-depth feedback would be hugely appreciated.

So there you have it guys and dolls; my ‘Statement of Intent’ – to become a successful journalist.

Peace and fucking yeah?